It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve blogged!
This semester (and year), God has challenged me beyond what I thought possible. He has continued to show me His glory while molding me and stretching me all while pointing me to the cross.
If I had to sum up what He has been showing me currently into 2 words, it would be transparency and patience.
I have always hated my prideful tendencies and how that flaw in me surfaced most frequently around my like-minded friends. I was better than them because “I went to youth every Wednesday no matter how much homework I had”, or I love Jesus more because “I worship Him with my eyes closed”. I think pride first made itself known in my life when my parents split.
My life was perfect to everyone on the outside looking. When all that came crashing down, you better believe I tried my best to keep that perfect persona. I was too caught up in what people might think or what they were saying about my family behind my back to even admit that I was struggling and falling short of “perfection”. I was too proud to admit any issues I had been dealing with – even to my best friends. It was almost a year later before I came open to my friends or anyone in my church family about my feelings. In that time, my sin had such a hold on me that I wouldn’t even allow those that God had placed in my life to know any flaw in me. Pride is so ugly and dangerous.
My struggle with pride has of course continued down the road, but God has really showed me His intentions for me in living a transparent lifestyle. Letting down our guard can be an effective witnessing tool. It shows those who think that they will never be accepted by Christ because they believe that they have sinned too much, that there is hope for even the worst of us sinners. I consider myself a prime example.
No, not everyone knows everything about me. I don’t walk around with “I’ve drank alcohol underage” or “I’ve lusted over x amount of guys” on my forehead but if it means Jesus is glorified, I will humbly admit to my shortcomings and the many, many sins that make me the complete opposite of perfect and in need of a Savior every minute of every day. I need Him to show me how to swallow my pride so that His name is glorified. That, to me, is what living a transparent life means…that He gets the glory and perfect persona, not me.
“The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.” -Isaiah 2:11
Oh, patience. You are a tough one. Recently, during a retreat with my sorority sisters I expressed my deepest fear of being alone. I haven’t dated since I started college, I’m not the kind of girl to go out in search of a guy and pursue him, and I am just flat-out worried about my future.
After expressing my feelings, I had the opportunity to talk with one of my sisters about her similar worries and how “dating the Lord” helped her to find peace in His plan for her life. I am so thankful that He led her to share this with me because I am now spending more time with Jesus than I have in a long time. I believe that as I focus on Him, He will lead me.
“God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.” -Lamentations 3:25-27 (The Message)
So with all that, I know that He will continue to teach me humility, transparency, and patience. Our contentment must be in Him, until then our souls will not be at rest. Thanks for reading!
For His glory alone!